Home > eve-teasing, Home, Identity, Injustice, Karachi, MQM, Personal Choices > Kicking ass in Karachi

Kicking ass in Karachi


I’m a super-happy child abhi. I kicked some MQM waalah laundas’ asses — without resorting to violence. Muahahahahah!!! Here’s what happened…

Ahmed and I came back to Karachi by bus today — not Daewoo, but one of those which leave almost every second from Qasim Chowk, Hyderabad. We chose this route because Ahmed needed to get back to the office asap and the next Daewoo was leaving at 7:30 p.m., which means we’d reach Karachi by 9:45 p.m., and work by 10:30 p.m. — too late. So we came by one of those crazy, sastee buses which play smut and mujras en route.

We’d decided that after we got here, Ahmed would take a cab home to get the car and come to the office, and I’ll get biryani (from Students’ Biryani near Taj Complex) and go to the office directly from there. What I didn’t know, however, was that the last stop for Qasim Chowk waali Hyderabad-Karachi buses is at Sea Breeze and not Taj Complex. So I got off near Sea Breeze — this was around 8:45 p.m. — and walked all the way back to Students’ Biryani in Taj Complex waali gulee (Ahmed got off near Numaish).

Now while I was walking down the surprisingly-deserted gulee, I saw five to six MQM laundas standing beside two bikes on the right. Unfortunately they saw me too. Even more unfortunately, someone seemed to have told them that making catcalls at a woman will make her want to jump into bed with them or something — so that’s what they did, leaving me with no choice but to kick their asses, which I did very calmly (much to my surprise) — I don’t take asshole-ry of this sort sitting down.

I walked up to them and showed them my press pass. The conversation that followed was hilarious.

UZi:Bhaiyya yeh jo hai, yeh ek Press pass hai (this is a Press pass), which means I’m a journalist. Also, I know your party affiliation.

Laundas: *look confused*

UZi: Now one of two things could happen. One, I could complain to your zoo keeper, and get your asses kicked by your party waalahs. OR, I could get a report about this incident published, along with your party affiliations, and get your asses kicked by your party waalahs. In either case, your asses are history.

Laundas: Bibi yeh aap dhamki kiuN de rahee haiN? etc etc. (Why are you threatening us?)

UZi: Also, if you look closely, this press pass is for a foreign publication, where this story will not be withheld out of fear.

Laundas: Baji nahi aap ko ghalat fehmi huee hai, aisa kuch nai hua hai. etc etc. (Sister, you are mistaken. We didn’t do anything.)

UZi: Cool, because if you repeat your harkateiN, I’ve told you what will happen. And if anything happens to me, you can consider your asses gone. Goodbye then. :-)

Yes, I’m bery bery proud of myself for resisting my basic instinct and not resorting to violence like I would have done otherwise. I guess I am growing up. :-P

Having said that, random harassment on the streets because I’m a woman is what I hate most about this place. It is also one of the biggest reasons why I’m not going to bring up my daughter in this country — I don’t want her to face the kind of crap that I face every day; I want her to have the kinds of choices and opportunities that I can’t get here merely because I was born without a little-something-extra. No one — and I mean, NO ONE — can harass me and get away with it, regardless of what I’m wearing or doing. I should, among many other things, have the right to bare arms, legs, midriff, or whatever else the fuck I want to bare. Simple. Failure to understand this basic rule results in ass-kicking… by me. I wish all women in this goddamned country did the same.

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  1. D
    October 30, 2010 at 03:55

    Am I missing something here?

    I mean I can’t understand why hasn’t anyone asked the most important question!

    The question being: What daughter?

    :D

  2. Rabayl Memon
    October 27, 2010 at 23:46

    Bravo Uzi for having the courage most of us can only dream of! Feel a little empowered just reading this. Unfortunately, any place in the world you decide to raise your daughter would not be free of cat-calls. Such is the pervasive structure of harassment.

  3. Zag
    October 26, 2010 at 11:35

    Courageous……… but be careful, not everyone of these “laundas” will respond the same way….

  4. Irfan Siddiqui
    October 26, 2010 at 02:05

    Reading your story, it had a pleasant beginning and centre yet somewhat disappointing end. You got it all wrong in the end. The moral/conclusion that you derived was kinda not fair and biased. Let me explain it you
    Unfortunately, i’ve been a first hand witness to what generally, laundas of different nations do may it be the so called Land of the free USA or our Religious hub Saudi Arabia. It is only in Pakistan, that once realized those launda’s will apologize and sometimes repent from these harkatain. Rest assured this happens everywhere, and mostly a female alone is helpless in talking/resisting some sense into these people, unless someone else tries to interfere. “which also is more likely in Pakistan, then in any other place” – Our country and its people are beautiful, kind and good people, dont let few jackasses let you think otherwise “and believe me, growing up your daughter here is the best thing you would do ! :) ” Good Luck and God bless.

  5. October 25, 2010 at 16:52

    Way to go gal!!

  6. Moiz
    October 25, 2010 at 09:17

    Lady ! Watever ur name is…
    But wat ever u did wid dese Rascals …was courageous…
    But even thou , I would say u ..Stay safe and avoid arguing wid dese bloody ppl…

  7. October 25, 2010 at 00:38

    Loved it!

  8. October 25, 2010 at 00:02

    That is hot! Just like me mum. My hat’s off to you.

    Just to share an anecdote, I remember, as a child, seeing my mum literally kick a pathan in the ass, right there on the ass, hard at the old sabzi mandi right after he poked her while walking past us. I was too small, then, to know what had happened, but when she kicked him, the dude ran off, but someone ran after him, brought him back, slapping him. He was down on his knees in front of us, and begging.

    Well, it is laudable, no less. But as I always think, in this country and especially as a female, as well as for males, doing something like that is a double-edged sword. Because, you’ve loved ones, and you never know whether that asshole will turn out to be a maniac who would make it a point in his life to take revenge. There are twisted people who do that here, you know.

    Stay safe.

  9. hassan
    October 24, 2010 at 23:33

    that’s really a stunt of high courage! i wish if all women of this country could do that ass-kicking! but they are international journalist nor as educated as you are!

    • Bolshevik
      October 24, 2010 at 23:54

      Awareness of one’s rights is required more than education for this. My mother couldn’t study beyond tenth grade, but she’s the one who taught me to stand up for myself against random idiocity on the street. :-)

  1. October 25, 2010 at 02:37

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